Shattered
by Ilada'Jefiv
Summary: For so long, Shinichi has tried to be strong for those around him. But when Yusaku stops in after another failed antidote, Shinichi finally breaks. Twoshot.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **A short father-son twoshot….

**Summary: **For so long, Shinichi has tried to be strong for those around him. But when Yusaku stops in after another failed antidote, Shinichi finally breaks.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Detective Conan: Case Closed. That honor belongs to Gosho Aoyama.

**-Shattered-**

Chapter One

_as reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading,  
illusions of the sunlight,  
and the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting  
love gone for so long.  
~__trading yesterday_

Yusaku stepped into Agasa's basement, glancing around at the dozens of small labs scattered across the desks and tables. A metallic scent drifted up from vials filled with unidentifiable liquids. A few multicolored pills speckled a table. Computers hummed softly.

On the other side of the basement, Haibara Ai sat typing on a laptop. A microscope and two syringes of blood sat next to the computer on the desk. Shinichi sat on the edge of her desk, swinging his legs gently.

Yusaku's breath caught slightly. Shinichi was… a teenager. Yusaku's mind swarmed with sudden questions and hopes. Had Haibara finally created the antidote for the poison? Had Shinichi finally found the Black Organization? Yusaku hadn't heard about any major arrests but….

Yusaku forced his mind to calm and focused on his son.

Shinichi stared blankly at the ground, quietly responding to Haibara's murmured queries. His shoulders slumped suddenly at something Haibara said. Neither Shinichi or Haibara noticed Yusaku's entrance.

Drawing a breath, Yusaku walked toward them with an easy smile. "Well, this is a surprise, Shinichi. Did Haibara find a cure for the Apotoxin?"

Shinichi's head snapped up, the surprise in his blue eyes not hiding the despair staring out at Yusaku from his son's gaze.

Yusaku froze, his smile faltered. "Shinichi…?"

Turning her chair around, Haibara jumped down, grabbing Yusuke's attention. "No, I did not find a cure, Kudo-san. Kudo-kun is merely using a prototype antidote. An ineffective one, I might add." Ripping the plastic from another syringe, Haibara took Shinichi's arm and swabbed on some alcohol.

Yusaku glanced back up at his son's face to meet a bright smile.

Shinichi didn't watch or flinch as Haibara slid the needle into his arm. He waved lazily with his free hand. "Hey, Tousan! Why are you here? Where's Kaasan?"

Studying his son's face, Yusaku forced a return smile, wondering if he had only imagined the look of despair. _When did Shinichi get so good at wearing a mask? _

Yusaku waved a negligent hand in reply. "Oh, you know. We thought it might throw the editors for a loop, so we decided to stop in and see how you were doing. Your mother met up with an old friend and went out to dinner with her."

Something like relief flashed briefly across Shinichi's face. "Ah. How's your newest book coming?"

Haibara cleared her throat loudly before Yusaku could answer.

Yusaku and Shinichi both glanced at her.

Haibara gazed back at them both, one hand holding a syringe full of blood and the other hand holding a cotton ball on Shinichi's arm. "If you're done chatting, I would like to get _finished _here. Kudo-kun, hold this."

Shinichi obediently pressed his fingers against the cotton ball.

Haibara set the syringe gently beside the microscope. "I have the final blood sample-"

Shinichi grimaced. "Good riddance… how much blood do you really _need _anyway, Haibara?"

Haibara folded her arms across the front of her white lab coat. She tilted her head up to meet Shinichi's gaze. "Do you want a cure or not, Kudo?"

Shinichi rolled his eyes with a small huff.

Haibara raised an eyebrow. "For a seventeen year old, you are certainly acting like a seven-year-old." Her voice held a certain bite. "Get off the table, Kudo. It's not safe to be sitting up there. The spasms might start soon."

"_Says _the seven-year-old," Shinichi grumbled softly. He slid off the table to stand beside the scientist. "I feel fine."

Yusaku couldn't help a genuine smile at their bickering, though the bit about spasms worried him.

Haibara narrowed her eyes, and Shinichi ungracefully held out his wrist. Haibara took his wrist and pulled back her sleeve to reveal her watch.

Yusaku shifted as the next minute passed in silence, not daring to speak and break Haibara's concentration. He felt curious, however. He had never witnessed the poison's work and seen Shinichi revert to his seven-year-old form. Before, his curiosity had never been enough to risk remaining long enough to risk getting caught by his bloodthirsty hounds of editors.

Haibara released Shinichi's wrist. "Your pulse is fast and irregular. You are also beginning to feel a bit feverish. It's almost time."

A strange look passed over Shinichi's face. He winced slightly, nodding. "I understand."

Haibara's face softened. She spun quickly away, head bowed and shoulders hunched. "…I'm sorry."

Shinichi laid a hand on her shoulder. He crouched down, turning her to face him. "Nah, it's fine. Besides, I think you're must be getting tired of being the only short person around all us giants."

Haibara's lips twitched slightly. She brushed off his hand. "Get out of here, Kudo."

Shinichi smiled. Standing, he waved at Yusaku. "Be back in about a half hour." Walking across the basement, he stepped into a spare room and shut the door behind him.

Yusaku stepped after him, but Haibara stepped between him and the door. "Let him be alone, Kudo-san." Her voice was carefully controlled - controlled to the point of cracking.

Frowning, Yusaku turned uneasy eyes on the diminutive scientist. "Why are you so concerned, Haibara-san?"

Haibara turned away from him and climbed back up into her chair. "When Kudo-kun took this antidote, he had a fifteen percent chance of surviving it. Since he managed to survive the first change, his chances of surviving the second change increased by fifty percent. He now has a sixty five percent of surviving the change back to a child."

Yusaku's breath snagged, cold fear seizing him. Shinichi… Shinichi had took such a risk…?_"What?_ If it's so dangerous, shouldn't you be observing him so you could step in and - "

Haibara's cold eyes pierced Yusaku from her young face. "I could do nothing, regardless if I was present or not." She turned and faced the screen, small fingers typing rapidly. "Forgive me if I sound forward, Kudo-san, but you really do not understand the severity of Kudo-kun's situation. I cannot count how many times your son has almost died since this whole mess began." Her voice was emotionless, frigid. "And you and Yukiko-san were never there for him."

Yusaku flinched slightly at a stab of guilt, staring blankly at the wall. He really hadn't thought the situation was _that _serious. Actually, Yukiko found the whole situation delightful and amusing. She adored having Shinichi young again and really didn't focus much on the darker aspects of the ten year loss of age. Yes, they both knew that the Black Organization was dangerous, that the poison lurking in Shinichi's system was deadly, but Shinichi was cautious….

Haibara's fingers hit the keys with hard, punching motions, jerking Yusaku from his thoughts. "Kudo-kun suffers so much, yet always hides it. The fool thinks he has to be strong for his friends, for Ran…" she paused "…for me. The only one Kudo-kun could consider talking to is Hattori - that teenage detective from Osaka." She snorted softly. "But they're teenage boys… rivals though friends. He won't admit weakness to Hattori."

Yusaku noticed her shoulders were trembling. Concerned, he made to step toward her. "Haibara-san…?"

Haibara stopped typing. Her hands slammed down on the keyboard. "Be silent!" She spun to face Yusaku, eyes misted with tears. "Shinichi needs you desperately! Can't you see it? He needs his father! Yet you push him away… go on with your petty life while he suffers and bleeds because of _my _mistakes. Why…?" She trailed off, staring at him with wordlessly accusing, wide, angry eyes.

Yusaku stood in frozen silence, anger, accusations, guilt, and shame swirling through his mind. Why was it all his fault? Shinichi should have mentioned things that things had gotten this bad! If Shinichi wanted to talk, he should have called or emailed! He should know that Yusaku was always willing to talk. He should have….

Shinichi's empty, despairing eyes flashed through Yusaku's mind.

And all other emotions other than guilt and determination fled from Yusaku's heart. Fists clenched tightly, he turned and strode toward the door Shinichi had entered.

Haibara called after him. "Kudo-san?!"

Yusaku paused before the door and glanced back at Haibara's pale face. "You're right. Shinichi needs me. I've not been here for him like I should have been. And Shinichi's going to get me now, whether he wants me here or not."

Grabbing the door handle, Yusaku twisted it sharply and stepped into the room.

- - - - -

_Kaasan - _mother

_Tousan - _father

**A/N: **Well, this was my first foray into the anime/manga fanfiction realm…. Please review and let me know what you think. I'll be posting the second half of this soon. Thanks!

- Ila


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Here's the second part! Hope you enjoy.

**-Shattered-**

Chapter Two

_all is lost but hope remains and this war's not over. _

_there's a light, there's a sun,_

_taking all these shattered onesto the place we belong,_

_and his love will conquer all._

_~trading yesterday_

Yusaku stepped into the room and froze, blanching.

Shinichi knelt on the carpet, one hand braced on the floor, the other hand entwined in his shirt above his heart. His breath came in ragged, rasping gasps, brow decorated with sweat. He trembled violently, a soft moan escaping him.

Yusaku stepped cautiously forward and knelt down beside his son. "Shinichi?"

Shinichi raised his head, glassy eyes wandering a bit before they fixed on Yusaku. "T…tou…san?"

Yusaku pulled his son into his arms. "I'm here, Shinichi - I'm here." He held Shinichi close, wrapping his arms around his son's shaking frame. He was afraid - so afraid - that Shinichi would pull away, too proud, too bitter, to allow Yusaku back into his life.

Shinichi collapsed in his father's arms, fingers burrowing deeply into Yusaku's shirt and clenching around the fabric tightly. "Tousan… it… it hurts."

Yusaku held his son tighter. Shinichi's skin was so hot, it burned to touch him. "I know…." Tears clogged his voice - tears of anger at himself - tears of shame.

Shinichi relaxed slightly, uneven breathing slowing. "I'm sorry, Tousan," he whispered. "I didn't want you to see this."

Yusaku shook his head. "_Baka… baka." _His voice broke, and he struggled to regain control of his emotions. He drew a shaky breath. "How are you feeling?"

Shinichi gave a shuddering sigh. "Like crap. But the pain's not terrible… for now. It comes and goes for about twenty-five to thirty minutes."

Yusaku's grip tightened even further around his son, his mind reeling from the information. "Thirty minutes…?"

Shinichi nodded, face still buried in Yusaku's white dress shirt. "At the max."

Yusaku dropped a hand on his son's hair. Shinichi's unruly, sweat-dampened hair was free of the usual hair-gel. "Did…." he paused, uncertain. "Did you get to see Ran?"

Shinichi stiffened slightly. "…No." Twisting in Yusaku's arms, he leaned on his father's chest and drew a breath. His eyes, sparkling with fever, gazed blankly at the far, barren wall.

"Talk to me, Shinichi," Yusaku said quietly. "Please."

There was a long, wordless quiet broken only by Shinichi's heavy breathing.

Voice shaking with suppressed pain, Shinichi finally continued. "This antidote only lasts three hours. I didn't want to stop in and see Ran only to have to leave so soon. I… I've hurt her so much, tousan. I didn't want to hurt her again."

Yusaku squeezed Shinichi's shoulder gently, mutely, regretting bringing up the tender subject.

"I'm so tired, Tousan," Shinichi murmured, voice so soft Yusaku could barely hear. "I'm tired of lies, tired of hiding. Tired of waiting for _them_ to kill me. Tired of being a victim in _their _cursed quest for immortality…." His voice quavered. "Sometimes… I wonder… is it really worth it…?" Shinichi bowed his head, shoulders trembling. His voice rose slightly. "Is it worth it? Is all this _really _worth it, Tousan? I can't… I can't…." He quieted, voice dropping to a whisper. "Sometimes… I… I just want to end it all…."

Yusaku wrapped his son in his arms, silent tears dripping down his face. "Don't say things like that, Shinichi. Ran, Haibara, your mother and I… we need you."

"Don't lie to me," Shinichi whispered. He pulled away from Yusaku. "You left me alone three years ago. You don't need me. You never needed me. "

The anguish, the loneliness, in his son's voice broke Yusaku's heart. He stared down at the floor. "I know…. And I'm sorry, so sorry. I've been such a fool." He looked up, face set. "Your mother and I… we'll move back home. We won't leave you again… I promise."

"You're still a fool," Shinichi muttered. He refused to look Yusaku in the eye, his hand tightening on the front of his shirt. "You can't come home - _they'll_ get suspicious. _They'll _find out. _They'll _kill you, kill everyone."

"Then come with us!" Yusaku urged, knowing the fruitlessness of the argument but trying anyway. "Come to America. We'll start over there, away from the Black Organization."

Shinichi shook his head. "I told you before. I can't leave Haibara or Ran. I can't leave this case unsolved. I won't. I promised Haibara. I promised myself." Shinichi's fists clenched tightly. "I'll find _them. _And I'll _bring them all down."_

Yusaku smile softly, sadly. "I know…."

Shinichi suddenly doubled over with a gasp of pain. Quickly, Yusaku caught him before he collapsed to the floor. Groaning, Shinichi curled up in his father's arms, breath coming in ragged pants.

"Shinichi!" Yusaku exclaimed, fear stabbing through him once more. "Are you okay? Answer me!"

Shinichi didn't seem to hear. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut, face twisted in a grimace of pain. His whole frame shook. He bit his lip and drew blood, crying out softly before he choked it off viciously.

Yusaku held his son wordlessly, choking on his own helplessness. He shut his eyes in a useless attempt to stop the tears. _Helpless, useless…. _He hated this. What had he done? _What have I done? I've done nothing. _This was all his fault….

Shinichi cried out again, the agony in the cry cruelly shattering another piece of Yusaku's heart. Yusaku tightened his grip around his son's feverish frame, tears dripping steadily. This wasn't fair… _wasn't fair. _Shinichi didn't deserve this….

Suddenly, Shinichi's body seemed to shrink in Yusaku's arms. Yusaku didn't open his eyes, merely tightened his grip even further. _I'm sorry…. So sorry…. I've been the biggest fool in the world._

Small hands pushed against Yusaku's chest, waking him from his daze.

"Tousan…" a young, familiar voice complained. "Let go already."

Yusaku blinked, looking down to find a seven-year-old face frowning up at him. "Ah… sorry." He reluctantly dropped his arms. "Are you all right?"

Shinichi shrugged, the too large shirt swallowing most of the movement. "Eh, I'll be fine. I just need a shower." He shot a sideways look at Yusaku. "What are you still crying for? I'm fine."

Yusaku wiped his eyes silently, unashamedly.

Shinichi looked down and away. "I… I'm sorry for unloading on you like that…." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't mean half of it, you know. Fever and all."

Yusaku met his gaze with a tired sigh. "Don't lie to me, Shinichi."

Shinichi flinched, face closing off as a slamming metal door. He stared at the floor for a long moment, pushing up the too-long shirt sleeves. At length, he looked up, expression softening. "Don't tell kaasan."

Yusaku smiled slightly. "I won't."

Shinichi nodded decisively. "Good. Now get out so I can get changed."

Yusaku's smile turned sly. "You know Shin-chan-"

"Don't call me that! Kaasan's bad enough," Shinichi interrupted with exasperation. He gestured at the door. "Now shoo."

Pushing himself to his feet, Yusaku stepped to the door. Opening it, he glanced back at Shinichi. "I meant what I said too."

Shinichi smiled sadly, the expression aging his childish face. "I know, Tousan. Welcome home."

_Welcome home…._

--End--

- - - -

_Kaasan - _mother

_Tousan _- father

**A/N: **Well, that's the end. It was rather difficult writing from Yusaku's POV, so I hope I didn't make him _too _OOC. Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts. Happy New Years, everyone!!

-Ila


End file.
